


Mama's Boy

by great_neckpectations



Category: Black Panther (2018)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Parent Death, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-31
Updated: 2018-08-31
Packaged: 2019-07-05 00:38:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,764
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15852684
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/great_neckpectations/pseuds/great_neckpectations
Summary: This story explores M'Baku's relationship with reader over their childhood and adulthood.





	1. Chapter 1

It was summer in Jabariland. Snow still covered the highest points of the mountain. However, in lowerlands, the air was warm, the flora bloomed, the fish were plenty in the small streams of water. You set in a tall tree as the background noise of Jabari youth filled the air. It was required that Jabari youth be trained in fighting in the warmer months. The spar training was also a hotbed of horny teenagers who wore nothing but shorts and crop tops while wrestling each other. 

The chief’s son, M’Baku, already a superior warrior for his age, was leading the sessions. 

“M’Baku, we have an uneven amount of girls”, one of the young girls complained to him. 

“hmm I thought I counted 10 of you.” M’Baku looked at the group of girls impatiently waiting for instructions and went through a mental roll call. He let out an exhausted grunt. He drug his tall frame into the small wooded area next to the open field. Up among the great Jabari trees, he saw you. Your mind was never fully dedicated to fighting. You often looked bored or somewhere else at training. 

“Y/N!” M’Baku lowered his voice an octave to sound more intimidating. You looked down at the tall but solid teenage boy. You lifted a brow and smirked in amusement at his frustration. 

“Come down here now. We are about to start training. I have to pair you with Imani”. The last statement almost sounded like a plea. 

“You can start without me, M’Baku.” you chuckled. The young M’Baku was pretty full of himself. If he wasn’t cute, you would have been more annoyed with his pestering. 

“If you don’t come down, I will come up there.” He seemed desperate. The poor boy had a lot of pressure on him. He was the heir to the Jabari throne after all. The first born and the only boy of his siblings. The queen was pregnant with her fourth child and everyone speculated this one would be a boy to even out their clan. 

M’Baku began climbing up the tree in a clumsy and rushed fashion. You looked down and moved from your comfortable spot on a sturdy, thick branch. Jabari wood was the strongest wood in Wakanda. It would support 100s of pounds of weight. You stood upward and hopped down to a close branch then began to move effortlessly among nearby branches switching from small steps down to swinging on branches. It was a game of panther and antelope between the two of you. M’Baku’s big brown eyes looked at you in awe. 

“How are you so good at climbing?” M’Baku voice was shaking as he realized he was not too keen on being so far from the ground. 

“Ha. I’m Jabari. Maybe I should be the next great gorilla eh?” You finally hopped down on the ground from a low branch. 

M’Baku was quick to make his descent to the ground. He looked at you with disapproving but curious eyes. Your chubby tummy peaked through the bandeau top you wore. You were barefooted. Your curls set on your head in a big puff of kinks that were contained with a hair tie. You looked more inconvenienced than angry. 

M’Baku smiled. “You know if your head wasn’t in the clouds, you would be a great warrior and a great wife to a chief”. 

You turned your nose in disgust. “Oh I’m sorry. I do not live my life in pursuit of a husband”. M’Baku rolled his eyes and walked towards you and tried grabbing you. You moved quickly before his hand touched your soft arm. You were backing away when M’Baku playfully pushed you towards the training area. He miscalculated the amount of force he put into the push and you felt yourself toppling to the ground. The ass made you skin your knee. M’Baku looked down in horror. 

“I am so sorry. I did not mean to push you so hard. Please be okay?!” He begged as a look of fear and concern washed over his face. You felt fire in your eyes like an ox cornered. You quickly got up and started to swing your fists wildly at the boy as he fell to the ground trying his best to block hits with his hands. You saw nothing but red. 

* * *

The two of you stood before the Great Gorilla Chief, Maduka. His face was hard to read. He seemed to examine both of you and your injuries. He nodded and let out a small grunt. M’Baku stood holding a cold compress to his swollen right eye while your weight was shifted to your unscathed right knee. 

Chief Maduka nodded again and smiled. His very pregnant wife, N’Didi’s eyes shifted between her husband and the two nervous teenagers in front of her. She seemed delighted as her husband at the scene before her. 

The chief broke the uncomfortable silence with a soft but deep and commanding voice that shook you. “So, to my understanding, you pushed this girl and she defended herself, hmm my dear son? His lips formed an inquisitive smirk as he stared his son. 

“Baba. I was simply trying to make her come to training” M’Baku tried his hardest to make his statement seem faultless as possible. You rolled your eyes at his feigned innocence. 

“Make? huh…… that’s a curious word” Maduka had the ability to strike fear into anyone even in his calmest voice.

“Son. You know why I put you in charge of leading the spar sessions?” 

“Because I am the strongest” M’Baku replied in a sure voice

“No!” Maduka was curt. “You do not lead people by force. You lead by setting examples. You lead by showing compassion and understanding. Not with unnecessary violence. Do you know why we are vegetarian?”

M’Baku shook his head. You stood in confusion from the back forth that seemed more like a private father-son lesson than a dual punishment from the Great Gorilla. 

“Hanuman has given us this land and health, so we do not need to hunt other animals beside fish to sustain ourselves. We tend the land like our ancestors. No unnecessary killing. We work with nature to survive. Not work against it. We do not force the land to behave in the ways we want it to. The land in return provides us with gifts. Understand?” 

“Yes, Baba.” M’Baku held his head down. 

“Look at me boy!” Guilt-ridden M’Baku’s head shot up to look at his father. 

 You thought you could use your strength to overpower this young girl? Ha! You see how that turned out.” The chief let out a hearty laugh. 

“You of all people should no never to cross a Jabari woman.” The chief placed his hand over his wife’s hand. “Your mother was quite the warrior back in her day”. He flaunted.

“Oh stop, my love…but don’t” The couple snickered in unison and eyes looked lovingly to at each other. 

“Girl!” The chief startled you.  “I hear you like trees?” The chief smiled at you. 

“Yes, your highness. I want to study them” You shyly admitted. 

“Smart, beautiful, and feisty. I see why you like her.” The chief threw his head back in laughter

“Baba, eww, no!” The young boy protested. 

“Do not lie to me boy. It’s not just your rugged good looks you inherited from me. You have a type” Maduka snarled. N’Didi rolled her eyes and slapped her husband’s hand. “You’re embarrassing him in front of his crush”. They laughed in unison again. M’Baku took a quick glance at you. If your brown skinned allowed it, you would be blushing from cheek to cheek or vomiting. It was strange mix of emotions. 

“Seeing as you have a black eye, I do not think I have to punish you any further. Y/N it was nice meeting you. I’m sure I’ll see more of you” Maduka nodded to dismiss you. You left the open-air throne room with more questions than answers.

“urgh this child is fighter” N’Didi rubbed her swollen belly as she waddle from the throne towards her son. She gave her first born a lingering warm hug. He was the same height as her at this age, standing 6′0″ already. “I remember when you used to bounce around my belly. Kicking and punching. Always fighting. You know not everything is a battle, right?”

“Yes, mama” N’Didi broke from the embrace and cupped his non-swollen side of his face and kissed his cheek. “I’m going to check on your sisters and lay down. I can feel this child will be here soon. Good night, my sweet son”

“Good night, mama”

“Such a mama’s boy” Maduke teased. “I cannot blame you. She’s pretty spectacular” Chief Maduka winked as he followed his wife’s path. 

* * *

News broke that the queen went into labor around the village. What should have been a time of celebration turned into days of mourning. Something went wrong and N’Didi bled out while giving birth. A healthy 8 pound boy was born but N’Didi did not make it. Chief Maduka was devastated. And his son, M’Baku was shattered. He did not show up to spar training for 3 weeks. Everything seemed grey and dead even in the warmest of summer days. When M’Baku returned, he didn’t seem like his confident self. His eyes were tired and seemed hollow. His life line was severed. Practice that day was awkward and difficult like pulling teeth. When it ended, M’Baku in a zombie-like trance made his way towards his home. 

“M’Baku!” You called after him. He turned back to face you but it seemed like his eyes look right through you. 

You moved closer and placed your hand on his shoulder. “I’m sorry about your mother”. He said nothing still giving you the lifeless stare. He swallowed as say to something… “Yeah” was all he could muster. 

“Let’s go somewhere. You don’t have to go home right away, do you?” you said in a fake-cheery voice. 

“Y/N, I’m not in the mood” he snapped at you, showing the first semblance of any emotion he showed all day. 

You took his hand. “Please, M’Baku” you looked sincerely heartbroken to see him in this much pain. He followed you into the wooded area you both brawled in a month and half earlier. You both sat at the base of a tall tree in silence. You heard the wind rustle the leaves and birds chirp. 

“Do you remember when your father said do not force things?” M’Baku looked at you with heavy eyes that were ready to burst like a dam. His lips quivered as he tried to hold back tears. You placed your hand over his. “You don’t need to pretend to be strong all the time. You lost your mother. No one expects flowers not to miss the rain”. 

With that, his dam broke and he let out a loud cry. He sobbed so hard he began to shake and dry-heave. His deep brown skin became rosy-hued from the release. All you could do was wrap your arms around him and lay your head against his. He settled his head into your lap and you rubbed his shoulder as he quietly whimpered.  You don’t remember how long you stayed like this but the sun had set. The impending darkness did nothing to move the both of you. 


	2. Girl Talk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reader has a conversation with N'Didi

You arrived at the Chief’s palace. It had been a week since you and M’Baku’s “fight”. He apologized profusely and to be honest you could not stay mad at him. You both knew summer puppy love was brewing and you went along with what your teenage hormones told your body.  He would walk with you to and from spar practice ever since the incident. Today you decided to meet him at his home. As you walked through the long hallways of the palatial home, you heard noise coming from an outside area. You stepped out to find a courtyard outfitted with lush vines and flowers with a greenhouse full of fruit trees and rows of vegetables. 

“Good morning Y/N”, a gentle but stentorian voice called to you. You looked to its source and it was Queen N’Didi sitting in the shade. She sat in a relaxed position with her hand caressing her bulging belly. 

“Hello my queen. How are you this morning?” You asked excitedly. You deeply respected her not only as queen but as a Jabari female warrior. Her battle stories were the things legends were made up of. She was also one of the most gentle souls. She was tall and curvy with big breasts and hips. No wonder Chief Maduka was head over hills for this woman even after 15+ years of marriage. 

“ehhh tired but I cannot complain. Look at what Hanuman has blessed me with” She motioned towards the vast garden before her and patted her belly. “Come sit. M’Baku is with his father having a talk”. You hesitated. She was too mesmerizing to just _sit_ next to.

“I do not bite, girl. Sit” She shot you a serious look before grinning. She stared at you for a moment. “Does your mother do you hair?” she cocked her head to the side to get a better look at you. 

Your hair today was in fishbone braids that traveled into a bun that rested at the nape of your neck. “Yes” you said proudly. 

She smiled at you again, “It’s beautiful. You’re a pretty girl. You remind me of myself when I was your age. Well…. I was more gifted in the bust department” She giggled at you as you slumped your shoulders as to hide yourself. 

“Haha, I’m joking. You are perfect as is.” You cheeks burned with embarrassment. 

“I meant you are independent. Smart. Focused”. 

You couldn’t believe the queen was singing your praises. Any insecurities you held fast to seemed to disappear ..at least in that moment. You looked at her protruding belly. “When are you due? you murmured 

“Any day now it seems. This child is ready. I am ready” She said that statement with such an exhausted expression

“Queen N’Didi…”

“Just call me N’Didi. You’re my future daughter”. Your eyes grew wide with concern and you deeply inhaled as to not have a panic attack. 

N’Didi couldn’t contain her straight face. She burst into a laughing fit and placed her hand over her breasts to stop them from moving so much with her chuckles. “I kid. You’re a child. I just like stirring up trouble since this little ape has me confined to my home. What did you want to say?” Her joyful expression mixed with her genuine curiosity as she focused her attention on you. 

“umm why did you decide to get married and have children? You were an incredible warrior.” You almost instantly regretted your inquiry.  _Too bold. Too inappropriate._

“ Hmmm you are an inquisitive one, aren’t you?” She sighed before straightening her posture. 

“I-I-I-I did not mean to be rude, my queen. I apologize for my rudeness” You were internally panicking. She was going to kick you out of her home and ban you from seeing M’Baku. Your imagination went wild with how she would reprimand you. 

“You are fine, Y/N. I want you to speak freely. You best not hold your tongue, especially around my bull-headed, enamored son.”

She huffed before continuing. 

“Fighting was fun. And I do mean _fun._ But being a mother is a hundred times harder than any battle and a million times more fulfilling than any position I held in combat. One of the best decisions  _I made.”_ She put extra emphasis on that last part. 

You were a bit taken back at her statement and your face showed it. 

“Shocked? Younger me would have been as well.” She seemed to reminisce as she stared into the courtyard.  “Life is surprising in that way. If you leave yourself closed to possibilities…change… growth, then you will never truly live. I’ve seen enough people die with regrets to not be that foolish. You cannot live for others and you cannot be what everyone wants.”

You nodded in agreement as you took in all that she said. 

“Oh Hanuman, are you torturing the poor girl?” A familiar male voice shouted from behind them. You stood up and turned towards the chief and M’Baku. N’Didi attempted to rise but her husband stopped her. 

“Ola edo’m*, please do not inconvenience yourself for me” he placed his hand on her back. 

“Oh please, gazing at you is never an inconvenience”. They shared a kiss and a longing stare. You and M’Baku immaturely snickered as if that’s not what both of you had been dreaming of doing during your private time together. 

“Y/N, are you ready?” M’Baku seemed much softer towards you since your fight.

“Yes, let’s go”.

 The two of you set about your route to the training area. You and M’Baku arrived early to prepare for the other teenagers. 

“Y/N…” He said it with such tenderness and almost uncertainty

“Yea, M’Baku?”

“May I kiss you? Only if you want to, of course.” You never seen him this unsure of himself. 

You thought about your conversation with N’Didi and walked up to M’Baku without replying and gave him a hard peck on his lips and stepped back. 

His shocked expression turned into a wide smile. He stepped to you and lowered his head to kiss you once more, but this time you two took your time planting small, quick kisses and wrapped each other in a firm embrace. 

You two were interrupted when someone cleared their throat. Another teenager looked at the two of you and scoffed. Your eyes lingered at each other. Your first kiss was better than anything other girls your age gushed about. 

You and M’Baku left each other’s arms as other teenagers approached. You did not know how long “this” would last but you knew that your head would be in the clouds again during this training session. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translation:   
> * Ola edo’m - My gold


	3. Dreaming of N'Didi

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maduka and M’Baku have dreams about N’Didi and father and son deal with the aftermath of her death

Chief Maduka and N’Didi had been head over hills for each other ever since they laid eyes on each other on the battlefield. So similar in many ways but different. Maduka, introspective and introverted. His chief duties always exhausted him. He was chief and with his people daily. N’Didi, however, was always the social butterfly. Kind, sweet, and full of life. With her as queen, Chief Maduka felt impermeable like the jabari wood armor he wore. And now she was gone. The strongest woman he knew was gone and he could not save her. All the power he held, he could not do anything to save her or bring her back. There was no one to make him go to bed at a decent hour when he stayed up worrying about Jabari affairs. He missed her touch. The way her skin smelled like faint jasmine when they embraced. Her death hollowed him out the way you remove the guts of flesh from a melon. He was just a rind at this point. Ready to collapse.

Unlike his father, M’Baku felt filled to the brim with sadness and anger. Sadness over his mother and anger because he was not as strong as he thought. He let Y/N see him cry and comfort him. How could he impress her, if she thought he was weak and could not handle hardships? What if his father had saw him break down in such a way? He knew he was young but he felt he was too old not to be able to contain himself and act like a future chief. Then there was the heartache he felt. He felt heavy with burdened sadness. His body felt heavy and there was no way for him to escape the feeling. He was drowning and silently choking everytime he interacted with anyone and no one was the wiser. He grew harder and less friendly at the remaining spar practices for the summer. He snapped at any sort of rambunctiousness, desperate to relieve some of the emotions that suffocated him. Things were awkward with Y/N. He wanted her to know he still liked her but the stronghold that sadness had over him would not allow him to leak any other emotion except for the occasional angry outburst. The fights with father became frequent. If there was someone he thought he could blame for this, it was him. Maduka could not protect his mother. He let her die. Maybe Maduka sensed this or even felt it himself.

“You cannot escape your problems with fighting and staying in your room” Maduka grunted as M’Baku pushed pass him.

“You stay held in your study all the time. Yet I can’t stay in my room? You really are a hypocrite, eh?” M’Baku had a confident smirk on his face. He was proud that he could make his father  feel angry like him.

“What did you say, boy? Maduka fumed with anger. “Your mother isn’t here to baby you. You will not disrespect me in my home!” Maduka’s face looked wild with wide eyes and heavy breathing. In 4 long but quick strides he was facing M’Baku, whose posture showed no signs of backing down from his slightly taller father.

“She isn’t here because of your doing! You could not save her. And now I’m stuck with just you!” M’Baku eyes were crowded with tears that he refused to let fall. As he was about to turn to return to his room, Maduka grabbed the teenaged boy by the collar and pushed him into the nearest wall and lifted him off his feet.

“Listen here boy because that is all you are. A child. A silly, hurt child who does not know how to deal with his feelings. Do you not think I miss her as well? I’ve known her longer than you’ve been on this plane of existence. And yes, you are stuck with me and I will be here with you until my last breath. You cannot push me away.” Maduka sighed as he loosened his grip on his son and took in deep breaths.

M’Baku looked his father in his eyes with furrowed brows and a frown. “I will be a better chief than you. I will make sure no harms comes to the ones I love”, M’Baku spat.

“I hope so”, Maduka choked out as he watched his son walk away.

Maduka tossed and turned alone in his bed longing for his wife to reach out and hold him like she always did when he would have stress dreams. He replayed the fight with M’Baku over and over again in his head. He was always the overthinking type. Had he been too harsh? Usually when he and M’Baku argued, N’Didi would play nice parent. Yet she was not here to be the mediator. No one was there to console either of them. When no warm body met his, he awoke in a sweat that made him even more susceptible to the cold mountain air. His upper body flopped back down on the mattress and he closed his heavy lids when he suddenly heard a voice.

“What’s troubling you, Odi’m na obi?” the voiced called out

“Ola edo’m*? Where are you?” Maduka panicked to open his eyes and saw his wife’s figure sitting in a rocking chair in the corner of the room. His heart almost skipped as he raised his frame from the bed.

“Do not panic. This is a dream. You haven’t lost your mind yet” she chuckled as she rocked in the wooden chair.

“N’Didi……..” Maduka whined in a trembling voice.

“My husband. I know things have been difficult since I’ve been gone” N’Didi stopped her rocking

“I —— am nothing without you, my wife. I awake and I am not sure if I can make it through my day. The cycle repeats. I feel like I am in neverending darkness.” Maduka weeped his remaining words. “Math problems are difficult. This is hell”.

“Maduka. You cannot give up. Our children depend on you. I - they need you to be strong. JIKONATA ONWE GI!*”

“ I am not strong. You were always the strong one. You never cared what others thought. You always did things your way.” Maduka sighed before he finished. “How am I supposed to keep it together without my soulmate?”

“My love..I will always be there in your memories. Everytime you look at our children, you will see me”.

“This is my fault. We should have stopped try after we lost the last two. I should have known better and I did not need more— ” Maduka was cut off

“STOP!” N’Didi’s form yelled. Her face scowled. “I did not want to stop trying. I wanted more children. I wanted to expand our family because my children are my gift to the world and my legacy”.

“I could not protect you. I am terrible husband and father. Even the boy thinks so. We can’t even be in the same room anymore”. Maduka drew in a harsh deep breath.

“Maduka, I could not have asked for a better husband, lover, and father of my children. You were everything I wanted and needed. M’Baku knows this as well. Just be patient with him. He is hurting just as you”, she pleaded..

“I need you” Maduka beat his chest with his fist as to relay the message that he was empty without her.

“They need you” N’Didi said in a calm and soft voice

Maduka tried to reach out for her but her figure dissipated like a mirage before him.

M’Baku laid in bed and cried while staring out his window at the moon. He drifted between blurry, burning eyes to whispers outside his bedroom lulling him to light slumber. He thought he had finally found sleep when he heard a humming of a familiar tune. He strained to open his crusted over eyes and he saw mother’s figure sitting on the edge of his bed. She hummed a lullaby* she would sing to him when was younger.

“Mama?”, M’Baku feebly called out still half sleepy

“Hello my big boy.” He could hear the smile in her voice

“Is this real?” M’Baku hopelessly cried out.

“No, my son. It’s dream.” N’Didi sighed as she knew this interaction would hurt. “I am sorry for leaving you and your siblings so soon.”

Trickles of tears fell down M’Baku face though hardly noticeable in the pnly moonlit room.

“You didn’t leave us. Baba let you die”, M’Baku weeped wiping his face with both hands.

“Baby, no. It is no one’s fault.”

M’Baku was now full on sobbing and his breathing became uneasy.

“Come”. N’Didi motioned towards her lap. M’Baku crawled to her and laid his head against her shoulder.

“You cannot blame your father for the inevitable. We all must become ancestors”. She nodded as she rocked her body and wrapped her arm around her son and pulled him closer to her bosom.

“I feel like I am going to burst, mama. It won’t stop hurting. I miss you so much” M’Baku nuzzled his wet face towards N’Didi’s armpit.

“I know it hurts, my sweet boy, but we have so many fond memories that you can look back on”. N’Didi began to rock her body while holding her son.

“I want you to be brave. Brave enough to let yourself feel. To let yourself feel confused at why life is hard and scary. And be okay with things you cannot control.”

“I feel alone” mumbled into mother’s shoulder.

“You have your father, 2 sisters, and now a baby brother. You have our whole tribe. You are never alone. I promise this will pass”. N’Didi began to hum the lullaby once more while she continued to rock the boy. M’Baku closed his eyes as he listened to his mother’s notes and let her rocking soothe him.

M’Baku’s eyes tensed as light hit his lids. He opened his puffy eyes and saw the sunburst through the clouds from his window. He drew in a deep breath and smelled a hint of jasmine in the air. He hugged his pillow tight and smiled. “mama….”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song inspiration: “Good Goodbye” by Lianne LaHavas, “Lately” by Jamilla Woods, Lighthouse by Jill Scott
> 
> *Lullaby inspired by Francisco by Kadhja Bonet
> 
> Translations: 
> 
> Ola edo’m - my gold
> 
> JIKONATA ONWE GI! - Keep it together.


	4. Going through it

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So this kinda goes through 3 phases of M’Baku and Reader’s relationship.

**16 yr olds.**

**Song inspiration: Oh Heart by Tank and the Bangas & Try by Courtnie**

 

After the death of his mother, you and M’Baku’s relationship was strange at first. You would come over to the palace and help M’Baku look after his siblings while his father attended to Chiefly duties. Slowly, you became a fixture in the palace. You would braid his sisters’ hair. You’d stay for dinner. You even had your own plot in the garden. Your own family would joke that you had been adopted by the Chief’s family. Of course you loved the perks of dating the chief’s son… the gifts were always a plenty. It even trickled down to your family as they would be invited by the chief for feasts in his home. Your main reason for spending time there was M’Baku. Somewhere in a course of a year, your puppy love had grown into full fledged love. You two decided to take things to the next level.

“Your father is going to be gone all day? Where are your siblings?”, you said as you sat on the edge of M’Baku’s bed cheerfully bouncing and looking around the vast room.

“That is correct. The caretakers took my siblings out shopping in the market. We have the palace to ourselves for once”. M’Baku raised his brow and smirked before sitting next to you on the bed.

“Is that so? Ah, well we should take full advantage and eat sweets!”. You let out a small giggle and your cheeks warmed as you feigned innocence at his suggestion.

“Y/N….. I want to make love. Do you want to? I know we are young but I cannot stop thinking about you”, M’Baku hurriedly confessed. He looked at you with his big brown eyes in anticipation.

You could hear his heartbeat rapidly and yours began to match its rhythm. Am I ready? you thought to yourself. You loved M’Baku, but having sex would change things. You were not sure if you were ready for that aspect. You looked down at your sweaty palms and back at M’Baku’s brown orbs. No boy in the whole tribe made you feel the way he did. You brought your hand to stroke his cheek. His patchy facial hair was prickly against your skin. You swallowed hard before answering.

“Okay but please go slow? I’ve heard from the other girls that it can be painful.” The look of concern came across your face.

“Of course. This is our first time, I do not think I want to do anything wild”, he joked.

You giggled before closing the distance between you and kissed him. That afternoon, the two of you gave your bodies to each other amongst nervous laughter and awkward touches. It was nothing romantic or spectacular like the romance novels you read from America. It was better because it was with him.

The two of you laid in the bed watching the sunset over the snow-capped mountains. It seemed everything slowed down while you were wrapped in M’Baku’s arms. You scooted closer trying to be close as possible to him. He smiled and kissed your forehead.

“Thank you, Y/N.” He placed his chin on top of your coily dark locks.

“For what M’Baku?”, you said bewildered by his comment.

M’Baku broke his embrace and sat up on the bed and looked down at you. Your ebony skin shone in the orangy-red sunset and a subtle glow highlighted your chubby cheeks. He stared at you with adoration and wonder before speaking.

“Thank you for trusting me and loving me. You’ve been there so much for me this past year and I want to make sure you know I love and care about you”. He held his breath waiting for your reaction to his confession of love.

“M’Baku, I could not think of any other person I’d would share this experience with. Thank you for trusting me enough to be vulnerable with.” You sat up next to M’Baku and kissed him deeply.

“We should do it again before your family comes back”, you said coyly and grinned

M’Baku was always taken back by your directness. It made him love you more.

“Of course, Omasili’m*”. M’Baku’s wide eyes travel down your body and kissed your shoulder before laying back down with you in bed.

* * *

 

**20 yrs old**

**Song inspiration: Face by Christian Rich, Denitia and Sene**

 

“ I saw the way you looked at her, M’Baku!”, you yelled as you hit his brawny arm.

The big jerk just laughed at your futile attempt to hurt him. In the 5 years since you started dating, he had grown 5 inches and packed on pounds of muscle from his warrior training and working in the mountains.

“Heh, can I not look at other women now, Y/N?” he mused.

It wasn’t her or any of the women he flirted with that was the problem. It was the stagnancy of you and his relationship. Anytime you would bring up engagement, he would shoot you down with excuses. “We’re too young” or “Let us wait until I am chief”. You were beginning to believe he did not want to marry you and just kept you around for fun.

“Nevermind, M’Baku. Forget I said anything”, you sighed in defeat.

“Urgh woman. What can I do to make you happy?” He looked down at you with furrowed brows.

“Nothing. I’m the luckiest woman in the tribe to be with the future Jabari chief”. You rolled your eyes

“That you are. You also get to be on the arm of the most handsome man our tribe has ever had the pleasure laying eyes on”. He laughed flashing his gapped tooth grin and slapping you on the back nearly propelling you forward on your face. He caught you before you toppled over.

“My apologies, my love!”, he said remorsefully as you helped you get solid footing. “May I add the strongest warrior of the tribe to my list of credentials, hmm?” He burst into a giggling mess as you slapped his arm and walked ahead of him.

“What?! It is nothing but the truth”, he huffed as he walked to catch up with you.

You two walked the familiar path to the wooded area where you first met. It was the beginning of winter. Snowflakes floated effortlessly as if they were suspended in the cold air. As always, you and M’Baku settled under the tree and sat in silence. M’Baku closed his eyes to better take in the stillness. You looked at his peaceful facade feeling guilty for wanting to break the quiet.

You ran your hand across his fur covered back and sighed at what you had to confess to him.

“M’Baku….”, you whispered

The prince was pulled from his daydreaming and looked down at you. “Huh?”

“I’ve got something to tell you”. You gaze remained on your hands while you took deep breaths to calm your nerves.

“What?…are you pregnant? Shit… my father is not going to like this”. M’Baku pushed himself up and began to pace.

“What? No, you buffoon! I am not pregnant.” You raised to join him on your feet.

“I am going away to the Golden City for university for my remaining two years”. You stared at him while nervously playing with the heem of the sarong that wrapped around your harem pants.

“You’re leaving the Jabari? Yet you question my loyalty? Hah”, M’Baku chuckled.

“Urgh I am not leaving permanently. I will come back during part of the winter and summers”. You studied him hoping to find some type of reaction but he seemed to be stoic.

“Have you discussed this with my father? All Jabari looking to leave must go through him first.” He looked down at you with serious fixed eyes.

“Yes, it was your father who encouraged it. He talked to his contact in the mainland, Zuri I believe. Everything is set up and I will be leaving in 2 months time.” Your eyes averted from his and you stared at the knots on the trees in the forest.

“Is this some ploy to get me to marry you?” M’Baku used his index finger to turn your head back to his eyes. You calmly shut your eyes and let out a soft sigh and rolled your eyes.

“Y/N! Answer me! I do not respond well to manipulation you know”, he furiously spat.  M’Baku began to circle around you in his interrogation.

You turned in his direction and looked up at him with a cutting gaze.

“Do you really think I would be so desperate to marry you that I would concoct an elaborate plan, with your father no less, to get you to propose? Do you not think more of me? I have always had plans to study outside of Jabariland long before you waltzed into my life. Get your head out of your ass”. You stalked towards him standing toe to toe with towering man.

“I do not know what to think. You’ve been pushing me to propose in the past year. You pick fights with me every chance you get. You are passive aggressive. Needy. In all honestly, you are beginning to stress me out. Now you talk of leaving”. M’Baku took a step back when he saw your expression change.

“Needy? Oh I apologize for stressing you out. It must so hard to be a spoiled prince who is waited on hand and foot. To not have any responsibility or a care in a world. Not even …. Me”. Your voice lowered to a mumble as you struggled to hold in tears.

“You think it is easy being heir to the throne? Everyday I hear the same spill from my father, from the elders, from you. You must think about the future. You must pick a queen. You must take everything serious. I take care of my siblings. I train for battle daily. I train others to keep our tribe safe.  I have not had a break since….” He brought his head into his hand. His back muscles tensed as he attempted to hold in his anger.

“M’Baku…”, you said as you reached out to comfort him. Before your hand could caress him, he pushed your hand away.

“Y/N, may be you leaving is Hanuman’s blessing in disguise. We have spent almost every day together since we were teenagers.”

Your face scrunched up in confusion. Your lip quivered as you tried not to cry. You two stood in silence until you were able to push pass the lump in your throat.

“What are you saying, M’Baku?” Your voice shook as tears fell down your ebony cheeks. The brisk air only became more frigid as your face became more damp.

“I think we need some time apart. We are starting to be unkind to each other”. M’Baku hung his head in shame as his own tears started to fall.

“How much time apart? Why are you so eager to end things instead of working through our problems? Is our relationship not worth labouring over?” Your voice became raspy with hurt and you began to sob much to your dismay. “Please, think more clearly about this”, you pleaded.

Begging for love was not something you ever thought you would subject yourself to, but here you were. The feeling of embarrassment was not great enough to overpower your feeling of heartbreak. Your stomach felt heavy and it seemed like your heart was being ripped from your chest.

“Y/N… do not make this harder than it already is. I think we both need to pour our energy into our respective responsibilities. We have been fighting the inevitable. We are not silly children in love anymore.” He crossed his arms and stood firm, physically and mentally.

“Do not tell me what I need to do. I am a grown woman. Does our relationship not deserve your energy? You cannot end things like this”, you screamed and stumped your feet. Your hands were balled in fists as your side. You were crying so hard, you were making your nose runny and you struggled to breath through the sobs.

“I can do whatever I want, Y/N. I am a spoiled prince after all. Hmph”, he stated coldly.

You looked up at his unmoved face. His full lips pursed and his usual soft eyes were somber. And this was how it would end. The place where you and him spent many of your happiest moments together. Your place of solace. This is where your heart would sink into the pits of your belly.

“Fine. I will not convince you to love me”. You swallowed the pooled saliva in your mouth.

“You’ve never had to convince me, Y/N”. His eyes rounded with his reply.

You turned on your heel to walk away from the Jabari prince.

“I’ll come by later to get my things I left at the palace”, you said before completely turning away from him and walking out the forest.

M’Baku stood in the middle of the trees, once again listening to the rustling of the leaves in the winter gust. The calm invoked a sense of loneliness and emptiness inside instead of the usual relief. When he knew you were completely out of sight and sound, he wailed and cried until his chest ached.

* * *

 

**25 yrs old**

**Song inspiration: The One by Alina Baraz**

 

“Prince….Chief M’Baku”, the guard nervously addressed the burly man in front of him.

“Yes, Yaro?”, M’Baku responded exhaustively with his brows raised.

“The florist asked what type of flowers you would like for the funeral”.

“Lilies are fine. Leave me be”. M’Baku flicked his wrist to wave the guard away.

“Very well, my Lord”. Yaro bowed his head and swiftly left the throne room.

M’Baku was a full grown man and was taller than his recently departed father, but this room still felt too big for him. Too big for him to rule. Too grand for him to ever stand confident in. He sighed as his thick fingers fiddled with a wooden bracelet that his father owned.

Jabari mourning, especially for leaders, lasts for three days. Starting on Thursday, a holy day among the Jabari, villagers come out to lay offerings to the shrine of Hanuman, a wooden statue of the Gorilla God that sits in the center of Gorilla City. On Friday, the body of the deceased is presented in the shrine and villagers pay their respect. Priests and Priestesses chant and sing Jabari spiritual songs. Most activity ceases among the Jabari inhabitants. No vending. No School. No training. Just time to spend with loved ones and to pray to Hanuman that the deceased makes a smooth transition to the ancestral plane. The family of the deceased wear white clothing including white fur to give tribute to the white gorilla.

On the third day, it is a celebration of life. However, when there is a transition of power, the celebration is tenfold. It is not only a celebration of life of the deceased but a celebration of the beginning of new leader coming to the throne. No man or woman dared challenge the 6’5, burly M’Baku for claim to the throne. And now he wore the ceremonial gorilla pelt that his father before him wore during special Jabari occasions.

M’Baku looked amongst the droves of his fellow tribesman as they dance, drank, and ate. With his knoberie, he inherited from his father in one hand and gorilla blood wine in the other, his spirits seemed to be high. His sisters and brother were being loved on by other family members while his fellow warriors spent time with their wives and husbands or lovers. Then he saw you in the crowd.

You looked more beautiful than ever. Your breasts filled out the yellow halter top you wore. Wooden beads and cowrie shells decorated your mahogany skin in the form of elaborate necklaces and bracelets. Many pieces of the jewelry were given to you as gift from him when you dated. The matching yellow sarong accentuated and hugged your wide hips and ample bottom tightly. And his favorite feature of yours, your soft slightly protruding tummy and love handles, were sweetly wrapped in waistbeads indicating you were an unmarried woman without children.

You finally looked up to see the soon-to-be chief and your ex-lover staring a hole through you. You gave him a nod and smile before your attention was broken by the bellowing of the Jabari spiritual leader, Ganiru.

“Behold! A new day in Jabariland. Glory to Hanuman for gathering us for this joyous occasion. Death! It is not to be feared. Death is not the end. Oh no! It is just the beginning of a new journey!”

The elder looked up to M’Baku and extended out his hand. “Behold our soon-to-be Great Gorilla, M’Baku!”, Ganiru announced. The crowd cheered and clapped. M’Baku’s face remained unphased as he raised his knoborie. You looked at him, the mountain of man who still had the charm of the teenage boy you fell in love with. You shook yourself from the potential dwelling of the past.

“Just as the winter makes way for new life in spring, death makes way for the ascension of young blood to the throne. You cannot have life without death. You cannot have the future without the past. On this day we celebrate the life of the late Great Gorilla Maduka, not with solemness, but with living!”

More cheering filled the square and the Jabari continued to make toasts and chant as Ganiru ended his speech. You looked up once more to M’Baku but he had disappeared from his seat.  You shrugged and continued to make your way through the congregation of people. You suddenly felt a strong grip on your arm pulling you into an inhabited corner of the square. It was him.

“What is this about, M’Baku?”, you grumbled as you pulled away from him.

“Y/N, we need to talk.” M’Baku stepped forward pushing you more into the tiny corner.

“What could you possibly say that you haven’t said in 5 years?”, you cocked your brow and attempted to distance yourself from his warm body. He smelled so delectable. Of sandalwood and vanilla.

He stared at you for moment with those damn earnest, gentle brown eyes that made you feel safe, weak, and dumb all at once.

“Everything”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translation:   
> * Omasili’m: the one I desire


End file.
